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A
stepmom wrote to me recently about understanding ourselves in this
unexpected role of stepmom. "Keep the faith," she said.
Her sentiment was simple, so I began to
wonder: how simply can we define this role of stepmom? Can we boil it
down to one word? If you had to, what one word would you choose to
describe youself in your role of stepmom? What one word would tell
another what being a stepmom has meant to you? What one word is
synonymous with "stepmom" for you?
Maybe it's fatigue. You might
laugh, but we stepmoms understand tired well. Sometimes it's a
physical tiredness, but more often, it's an emotional one. Maybe you're
tired of fighting, tired of dealing with your stepkids or their mom,
tired of trying to "blend" with people who won't help.
Depending on your place right now, fatigue could describe your role, or
hopefully, it's a word you've left behind or one you can see yourself
escaping from in the near future.
Maybe it's anger. Stepmothering
does bring out some unpleasant feelings and behaviors in us, and
sometimes it feels like all we are is a big tangled pile of barb wire.
Situations we never expected overtake us and problems from all sides
consume us. Anger is understandable, but if that's your place right now,
it can't last. Like a sugar rush, it won't sustain us. We have to move
on and find productive ways to deal with our lives.
Maybe it's management. Maybe
you've lived through the fatigue and beat the anger, and now you're in
management mode. You're under no illusions that a perfect steplife is in
the cards, and you've moved on to finding practical and effective ways
to handle those never-ending issues that steplife provides. We don't
ever get it all right, but in management mode, we have more good days
that bad ones, and our skills are improving.
Maybe it's growth. Either we grow
or we die. If you're keeping on keeping on, then you're growing. Be
proud of that growth. Stepmothering changes us, no doubt about it, and
if we can embrace that change and learn from it, then we'll experience
amazing growth within ourselves. We'll discover maturity and wisdom to
guide us in this always complicated journey. And we'll continue to make
discoveries about ourselves that make us better stepmoms and better
women, always growing stronger.
Maybe it's hope. Not completely
under control but not willing to give up, maybe it's hope that defines
you. You don't have all the answers but you're still asking the
questions. You know the pain of a troubled steplife but you believe
something more is possible. You see everything that doesn't work but
you're holding on to what does, however little, building on what you
can. You may be in a mess right now but you trust yourself and those you
love to get out of it. You may hurt but you also hope.
No matter what word you choose, I hope
you'll wrap it, underline it and punctuate it with the word I've chosen:
choice. I never understood the power of my choice before I
became a stepmom. I never knew how much I could affect my feelings,
behavior and goals just because of the choices I make. I never knew how
much I could affect those around me or the peace and contentment I could
have because of the choices I make. Maybe I was a little slow to come to
this realization, but thankfully I did. Accepting the responsibility of
my own choices gave me the power and control over myself that I needed
to better live my role as stepmom. That responsibility is a daily
blessing and reminder that I will continue to choose how to define this
role. So can you.
If you have a moment, please write
to me and tell me what your word is. I know our readers would
love to hear how their fellow stepmoms see their lives, because we can
all learn from and gain great inspiration from each other. I look
forward to hearing your "words" and thank you so much!
*
* * SPECIAL NOTE * * *
If
you're interested in being part of my new book, please go
here and read a little about it. I sincerely appreciate all your
contributions!
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