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"Collecting" Can Sustain Stepfamilies
Relationships with angry ex-spouses. Children always on the move between two homes. Multiple sets of grandparents. Unique financial pressures. Worries that the family hasn’t "blended" yet. These are just some of the problems stepfamilies constantly grapple with that never affect traditional families. It’s no wonder that remarried couples divorce at a higher rate than those in first marriages.
To offset all the worries and concerns, Karon Goodman, veteran stepmother and author of The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life (EquiLibrium Press, www.equipress.com, $14.00), recommends that stepparents become "collectors." Not of the sort of thing found on eBay, but of the little moments that show that they are becoming a family. "Because step- families have so many challenges, it’s easy to focus on problems and worries," Goodman says. "Keeping track of good moments helps put the difficult ones in perspective."
Karon makes an effort to recognize and capture special moments in her own family. When her younger stepson casually mentioned that he was glad it was Saturday and not Sunday, because that meant he’d have more time at her home, she grabbed that comment for her collection. On another "keeper" occasion, a saleswoman took the Goodmans for a traditional family, not realizing that two of the boys were Karon’s stepsons.
Goodman suggests that stepparents use a notebook to jot down the collectible moments that occur in their families. Some entries will be brief, noting a spontaneous hug from a stepchild, for example; others lengthy, perhaps detailing a happy weekend spent together. "You don’t have to write down everything," Goodman notes, "but whatever you do include will be a source of strength when times are difficult. Even when things don’t go as you expected, you can focus on the things that are right. Your collected moments will sustain you at the times when the challenges of stepfamily life seem too much to bear."
Throughout The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life, Goodman's observations and advice on such critical topics as authority, expectations, and communication will help other stepparents gain perspective. Susan Wilkins-Hubley, founder of www.SecondWivesClub.com, calls the book "every stepmother’s resource for saving sanity and spirit. Motivational, inspirational, and sensational!"
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To request a copy of The Stepmom’s Guide to Simplifying Your Life, to arrange an interviewwith Karon Goodman, or for any additional information, please contact Kate Bandos of KSB Promotions at 800-304-3269 kate@ksbpromotions.com • fax 616-676-0759