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Gifts from the Broken Jar
Brain on a
String
The
Stepmom's
Guide to
Simplifying
Your Life
It's
Not My Stepkids -
It's Their
Mom!
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"TALES FROM THE BLENDER"
In writing The Stepmom's
Guide, Karon sought out the experiences of other stepmothers. She invited
stepmothers to respond to questions posted on the Internet. Here, in
abbreviated form, are a few of the more than 60 "Tales," from 27
stepmoms in 20 states and the U.K., that appear throughout the book:
On becoming a stepmother:
My husband and I dated for two years, so I thought I was prepared for taking
care of kids. The big difference is that after we were married, I could no
longer go home to get away from it. Now, when the kids made a mess and tore
things up, it was my house and I had to be there to fix it. Now, when I was
tired and wanted some peace and quiet and time to myself, I had nowhere to go to
find it. It was difficult not to feel resentful and selfish. ~ Brenda
On the mistakes stepmoms make:
I spent a lot of time being angry with my husband’s ex-wife and all the anger
did was make me feel miserable! It took a long time, but I was finally able to
let go and realize that the only person I can control is myself and my reaction
to those around me. ~ Ann
I was getting too involved with my stepson’s problems and tried too hard to help him, when he didn’t want or need me in a parenting role. When I finally detached from the situation, I could concentrate on getting to know him again. ~ Mother of one, stepmom of one
On communication:
"Compromise" is the single most important word in our vocabulary right
now. My husband and I have to constantly remind ourselves that the other person
is coming from a completely different set of expectations, and just because we
disagree, it does not necessarily mean that either one of us is wrong. We just
disagree. ~ Debbie
On authority:
The wife has no authority with her stepkids other than what the husband gives
her. He has to demand their respect and good behavior, and back her 100% in
their eyes. The couple needs to discuss this before the marriage. If he
expects her to be an instant mom, he will be setting her up for failure. ~ Polly
I knew I was a stepmom when . . .
my fiancé’s 4 year-old son yelled for me to come upstairs to the
bathroom. Upon my arrival, he asked me to please help him wipe. ~ Janet